Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
false alarm. still invincible.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
