SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
