forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
