My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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