Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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