Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
