im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's blow job season.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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