After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
