The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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