im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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