I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
