you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
