Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
