This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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