some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
