I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
