Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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