i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
