he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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