Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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