Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
