Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
