Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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