so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
