Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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