my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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