period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
not ubering you a puppy
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
