the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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