i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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