I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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