I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
