508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
