Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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