ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
