some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
