it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
