think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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