Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
