Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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