he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
