my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
