I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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