I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
