Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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