She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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