I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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