Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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