If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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