Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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