she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
