Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The uberlube is also flammable
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
did i just pee glitter
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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