he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
don't judge my taste in strippers
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
