your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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