And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
