I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
