dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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