do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
